qingfeng blogged! haha. he blogs everyday!~ and he blogged at 9.10 pm. like the time when we go online:)
haha. i want to make wretch account too! want to make together??? haha then can go comment!~
sodagreen toppped the charts today! a thing to celebrate:)

greatest apologies for the half-but-not-really conflict happening. with the great diplomatic attempts of jammytwin, the conflict has been resolved (i think) and actually, agreement not drafted out yet.

anyway no deterrance used here (ahem that means 打架?!?!?!?!?!?!?!) and we are so diplomatic CANNNN!!!
ok i'm slacking.

REPLY TO THE AUTHOR 2 POSTS DOWN:

first, i'd like to say that I'M NOT ANGRY even though i was very tempted not to come online just now (sorry i'm revealing the reason why i never replied your sms today morning...ok partially due to my exceeded sms) wanted go on some quiet strike because sometimes i'm just like that...為了生氣而生氣...and my mum says thats not good. I DONT CARE~ i'm jsut so childish >:D

how can i be 生氣 with you?? ok even though my post below (this and the last post) MIGHT sound a little, but its not ok!! its truly purely not! its just 氣頭上的話 and then its like. yeah. just imagine trying to be 生氣 with water and not drinking it because you're angry at it. yepp. so thats the extent of how i cant be 生氣 with you.

anyway...the quite angry points.

i shall reiterate my point there, you're never alone ok! i mean, its just like the laws of physics, why people can sleep on nail beds, because each nail gets an equal amount of force so end up, the nails all get a very small force so the reaction force doesnt poke the damn dumb guy sleeping there. ITS THE SAME YEAH? i mean, you have so many people here, and whats wrong with getting the load to be shared? (i shall not say that we are nails since it sounds like an ugly 比喻) whatever you're feeling or thinking or that responsibility that you're trying to take away from me (*ahem). its all the matter of sharing! damn i give up on english. because i can never express myself clearly with english

你覺得如果你一個人承受我們會很好受嗎?
然後一個人就在那邊悶然後也不知道你在悶什麼東西
也不知道是不是好的,是不是不好的
至少至少讓別人知道自己在想什麼
除非你真的超喜歡玩這種無聊的抓迷藏
那我也不管你了,真的,你就自己在那邊悶吧

oh crap. i'm talking evily again. sorry. i didnt mean it that way. (the damn use of chinese)
anyway the point is, i dont feel good if you're there like closing yourself for i-dunno-what reason and then you're not particularly feeling happy or whatever. and then you dont want to let anyone know. and that reminds me of 神秘嘉賓 mv because that damn woman keeps running around and around and making my head pain. its kind of the same thing.

YOU KNOW WHAT. i have to admit i dont understand a single thing what you're writing there. i suddenly have that realisation of how people read my emo shit and goes off having this ?! thinking in their brain. and really. i dont understand a thing, so i dont really think i have the 資格 to really lecture you about whatever. still. i felt the obligation to. i cant just let you just walk around feeling bad/emo and then what am i supposed to do? and then you go to school like nothing happened and WHAT?! whammo and after school you go posting (or rather, NOT talking/posting/sms-ing) sadness and all that.

whoa. suddenly i'm not very angry, see my lightening tone....because of joanna! damn her man! her music everytime just calms people's soul (ok you'll know that i type the last paragraphs first then the middle portion because its kind of obvious where i'm qutie angry and where i'm not)

i'm not really sad about you not coming online or whatever already, because i know everyone's not really coming online except for dumb me (and smart jammytwin!) and its because of the O levels. so that one is out of the point. but still, i HOPE that you're resting enough.

but anyway, now i dont know a single thing of what you're thinking (because you want to shut yourself up somewhere) and you dont sms me or whatever or call me or whatever and then i can only tell you to drink more water and sleep more and stop studying so much because your brain will be fried before o levels come. and you know. its really true ok. i dont want to lose this person called ahma which is 早晨第一杯水. HELLO. LET ME REPEAT MYSELF. I DONT WANT TO LOSE THIS PERSON CALLED AHMA WHICH IS MY 早晨的第一杯水 AND THE PERSON THAT I LOVE A LOT A LOT A LOT A LOT A LOT (actually not enough "A LOT"s) OK!??!

[this para suddenly 3rd person??]
dammit. i always tell myself that i can scold people, but i cant really scold people.
i shall not call ahma. everytime i call her its even worse. sometimes i wonder if it was her on the other side of the line. SHE DOESNT BLOODY TALK ON THE PHONE and maybe for goodness sake it might be sarah. HAH. and then the thought just kind of scares me. later its some alien taking over ahma's body or somethign!!! (been reading too many war of the worlds) but anyway, because i dont like that kind of 若即若離 feel, like 很近又很遠 that kind of thing. dammit. it doesnt give a sense of security at all. and i think i'm kind of too young to be talking about these kind of thing, but WHO CARES.

[ANGRY ALERT -- before joanna songs kicked in i wrote this part]
and to finish this reply, dont you think its kind of stupid (ok being harsh here again :/) that we're trying to communicate like POSTING?!?!? sure. i mean there's such a thing called sms (currently unavailable due to my stupid exceeding smses) or phone calls or msn. and i think i'm being plain dumb like trying to make my point here. but everytime i call people then i'll forget what i want to say :/ and then you dont come msn like AT ALL (ok...for my time) except for habenying and i dont feel like talking on habenying because liyi sucks.

ok damn. i promised jammytwin this would be a 心平氣和 reply....lately cant really control my damn emotions/hand which is typing almost everything my brain is processing. i should learn to have a higher EQ and be more sensitive and whatever right? since my letters everytime say i will learn to be more 乖 and stuff. actually i dont think it matters now, since whether i'm 乖 or not doesnt really change a thing.
[END OF ANGRY ALERT]

ok. paiseh for the quite angry reply.

REPLY TO THE AUTHOR OF THE POST BELOW THIS:

hello jammytwin! dont worry! even though i really dunno what happened on friday but i know that you're not sad or whatever already so its alright! and i'm not even sure what happened to me on friday now :O hurr i'm kind of crazy?

sorry for kind of ignoring your 勸架 thing...really sorry! dont worry you'll be the best negotiator. i promise to talk very 心平氣和-ly :D because of joanna's songs! hehehe

我們真的是三個emo的小孩

im here to 勸架. i mean its alright to relieve your emo streaks here:) its good. cos at least by doing that we can really know what you are thinking and really be by your side when you need help. actually i really thank you two for being there that day. cos i think if i was left alone i will really cry. cos that is the situation that im always talking about and how scared i will be. so really, 謝謝你們, 謝謝你們陪著我 even if you dont even know what is going on but thanks for being there:)

anyway, jane 不要生氣了! haha.

and i realised becca always comes to read himitsupimi! haha:) she's our 忠時讀者:) and i think no one else really comes here to read. oh wells:) its ok:) its ours anyway. we read can le. of course more people read also good lar:)

~

向来不擅长于表达自己，
初次见面觉得我冷酷，
有那种接不进的感觉
散发出一股凶气
随时爆发

blehblehbleh
reply post to jane's
im sorry i made you angry
like first time you actually angry at me:(
i mean i know that you're not actually pissed with me,
that you're still talking to me
but still...

i don't want people to worry about me
i'd pretty much prefer to worry about others
to fuss around other people

i'm not good at expressing myself,
some things i say don't make sense to others
even to me it seems nonsensical
perhaps i think things through too carefully
and everything seems to be in order
but the words that spill are a jumble mess of what used to be orderly

and snapping at people seems like my past time
i have zero tolerance level
maybe to myself too
that's why i lose control sometimes
and just feel like crying

keeping things to myself, that's what i've always been doing
the expectations that seem to be non-existent
creates an imaginary gust of wind, that blows me of my feet
the feeling of insecurity and instability
the pressure drives me up the wall

i'm that insignificant,
people think i have everything
perhaps i do, i'm full in my family life,
i have wonderful friends, i have wonderful things,
all these brighten my life
but there's a patch of darkness
a shadow of myself
i should probably wallow up in that darkness
and see the world in brightness

i take things for granted
i should be damned
my life is a little dented
happenings in my life are too concentrated

i'm barely a sixteen year old
oh sweet sweet sixteen
but that's just so so insignificant

it seems like everything i pop by,
it always seem like goodbye.

all i can do is sigh,
and maybe sit back down and cry.
it's too exaggerated to say that i'm going to die,
but the words roll out as easily as we spell pie.

all we can do is try and try,
overdose of sugar to get high.
worrying and thinking during those sleepless nights,
we really have to put up a fight,
to take the plunge and come out in flight,
to fly towards the light.
but looking at my pathetic plight,
i dunno how long i can last,
but i will fight, that's a must.

i'm feeliing poetic today-.-


that was totally lame..
i wanted to go emo, that seems like the trend nowadays
my lj is dead, and i havent been here in ages
i guess, not my topmost priority to vent my frustrations in cyberspace.
i'm not too good with words as i always say,
to say the wrong thing, there'd be a price to pay.
i dunno what's going through my mind lately...
my life is stagnant, so pale
the control is slipping past my fingers, like air, not within my grasps
all i can do is take it in, and blow it out the next.

since everything is mostly in chinese, to keep it bilingual,
i will be the english-contributor
seeing everyone so tired lately, i really want to be able to
motivate everyone else, to do the best i can.
but i do not know if i can motivate even myself.
i'm not the smartest person, neither am i anywhere near that word S-M-A-R-T

someone out there is always telling me not to think too much,
you know who you are,
that you will be the one to handle everything else, to bear the brunt of everything
but no one is able to hold out on their own
one must learn that no matter what happens, someone will be there to share that burden
i want to be that person if you'll let me
seeing one emo, i dunno what to say,
the mind processes things in varied ways, but my mind
seems to be able to take only one pathway: turn behind
but i'm pushing myself, to not take that option
but my muscles are tearing, i've got to stop the swearing

time is not an entitlement
it is a privelege.
we can always ask for more time,
but it doesn't mean we'll get it.
24 hours a day may not be enough,
but 24 hours for a third world child seems like eternity

i shan't complain anymore,
hit me if i do
whack me if i do
slap me out of my trance
and pump me with the strength
to start off again
bye.

嗯...不要改變吧...
就是....好多事情改變........也不知道何時我這麼在乎有些人的一些.....不知道啦

為什麼我會喜歡上盧廣仲的歌,是因為那是我在心情有點低谷的時候,聽到他的聲音,那把毫無壓力,非常清澈(不是字面上的),而且他那種淳樸的歌曲,就然我感動了.感動其實不需要什麼,對這個吵雜的世界裡(其實我自己也好吵),感到那種無法言語的疲憊,對這個世界的喧鬧累了,對這個世界的忙碌累了,對這個世界運轉的模式累了,聽到那種充滿著純真淳樸的好嗓子,那種毫無顧慮世界的歌曲,那種脫離盲目地亂撞的生活的影子,完完全全就是感動到沒有什麼好說的.

雖然說我的心情最近轉得比alternating current還快,不過我覺得自己不應該因為自己煩悶而搞到更多的煩悶...一會兒就這樣,一會兒就那樣,我都拿自己沒輒.你知道嗎?如果感動到,我就會這樣地喜歡下去,所以說我是一個impulsive人...衝動啦.

jammy說他的詞有點怪,不過我是衝動的消費者...就沒有想那麼多了...至少我有一種更高尚的衝動消費方式....

真的...一把好聲音,不用什麼歌曲來裝飾的.
就像我們一樣,其實真真地做自己想要的,為什麼要故意地裝飾自己呢?

所以說我要做吃冰淇淋的人....毫不猶豫,毫不考慮,毫不遲疑,我要做什麼,我就做什麼,我想要這個,我就會到手.反倒是那些對不同的人帶著不同的面具,我就有點想問他們,你們到底辛不辛苦?

如果我無法面對真實的心情,我想我應該就不是我自己了....

嗯...所以我不要改變,我不要因為最近一直很多事情改變而改變,我也不想要更多事情改變...讓我已經夠不開心了........雖然說好像沒有什麼不開心的....就是這樣才不開心.......

我想當那個每次亂放炮的我....嗯....雖然好像會得罪很多人,不過我為什麼要看是人的眼光做東西呢?我要活出自己的生活,不管了

請大家不要生病喔!生病的快點好起來!! 好起來了就一起吃巧克力! ^^

qingfeng blogged! haha. he blogs everyday!~ and he blogged at 9.10 pm. like the time when we go online:)
haha. i want to make wretch account too! want to make together??? haha then can go comment!~
sodagreen toppped the charts today! a thing to celebrate:)

greatest apologies for the half-but-not-really conflict happening. with the great diplomatic attempts of jammytwin, the conflict has been resolved (i think) and actually, agreement not drafted out yet.

anyway no deterrance used here (ahem that means 打架?!?!?!?!?!?!?!) and we are so diplomatic CANNNN!!!
ok i'm slacking.

REPLY TO THE AUTHOR 2 POSTS DOWN:

first, i'd like to say that I'M NOT ANGRY even though i was very tempted not to come online just now (sorry i'm revealing the reason why i never replied your sms today morning...ok partially due to my exceeded sms) wanted go on some quiet strike because sometimes i'm just like that...為了生氣而生氣...and my mum says thats not good. I DONT CARE~ i'm jsut so childish >:D

how can i be 生氣 with you?? ok even though my post below (this and the last post) MIGHT sound a little, but its not ok!! its truly purely not! its just 氣頭上的話 and then its like. yeah. just imagine trying to be 生氣 with water and not drinking it because you're angry at it. yepp. so thats the extent of how i cant be 生氣 with you.

anyway...the quite angry points.

i shall reiterate my point there, you're never alone ok! i mean, its just like the laws of physics, why people can sleep on nail beds, because each nail gets an equal amount of force so end up, the nails all get a very small force so the reaction force doesnt poke the damn dumb guy sleeping there. ITS THE SAME YEAH? i mean, you have so many people here, and whats wrong with getting the load to be shared? (i shall not say that we are nails since it sounds like an ugly 比喻) whatever you're feeling or thinking or that responsibility that you're trying to take away from me (*ahem). its all the matter of sharing! damn i give up on english. because i can never express myself clearly with english

你覺得如果你一個人承受我們會很好受嗎?
然後一個人就在那邊悶然後也不知道你在悶什麼東西
也不知道是不是好的,是不是不好的
至少至少讓別人知道自己在想什麼
除非你真的超喜歡玩這種無聊的抓迷藏
那我也不管你了,真的,你就自己在那邊悶吧

oh crap. i'm talking evily again. sorry. i didnt mean it that way. (the damn use of chinese)
anyway the point is, i dont feel good if you're there like closing yourself for i-dunno-what reason and then you're not particularly feeling happy or whatever. and then you dont want to let anyone know. and that reminds me of 神秘嘉賓 mv because that damn woman keeps running around and around and making my head pain. its kind of the same thing.

YOU KNOW WHAT. i have to admit i dont understand a single thing what you're writing there. i suddenly have that realisation of how people read my emo shit and goes off having this ?! thinking in their brain. and really. i dont understand a thing, so i dont really think i have the 資格 to really lecture you about whatever. still. i felt the obligation to. i cant just let you just walk around feeling bad/emo and then what am i supposed to do? and then you go to school like nothing happened and WHAT?! whammo and after school you go posting (or rather, NOT talking/posting/sms-ing) sadness and all that.

whoa. suddenly i'm not very angry, see my lightening tone....because of joanna! damn her man! her music everytime just calms people's soul (ok you'll know that i type the last paragraphs first then the middle portion because its kind of obvious where i'm qutie angry and where i'm not)

i'm not really sad about you not coming online or whatever already, because i know everyone's not really coming online except for dumb me (and smart jammytwin!) and its because of the O levels. so that one is out of the point. but still, i HOPE that you're resting enough.

but anyway, now i dont know a single thing of what you're thinking (because you want to shut yourself up somewhere) and you dont sms me or whatever or call me or whatever and then i can only tell you to drink more water and sleep more and stop studying so much because your brain will be fried before o levels come. and you know. its really true ok. i dont want to lose this person called ahma which is 早晨第一杯水. HELLO. LET ME REPEAT MYSELF. I DONT WANT TO LOSE THIS PERSON CALLED AHMA WHICH IS MY 早晨的第一杯水 AND THE PERSON THAT I LOVE A LOT A LOT A LOT A LOT A LOT (actually not enough "A LOT"s) OK!??!

[this para suddenly 3rd person??]
dammit. i always tell myself that i can scold people, but i cant really scold people.
i shall not call ahma. everytime i call her its even worse. sometimes i wonder if it was her on the other side of the line. SHE DOESNT BLOODY TALK ON THE PHONE and maybe for goodness sake it might be sarah. HAH. and then the thought just kind of scares me. later its some alien taking over ahma's body or somethign!!! (been reading too many war of the worlds) but anyway, because i dont like that kind of 若即若離 feel, like 很近又很遠 that kind of thing. dammit. it doesnt give a sense of security at all. and i think i'm kind of too young to be talking about these kind of thing, but WHO CARES.

[ANGRY ALERT -- before joanna songs kicked in i wrote this part]
and to finish this reply, dont you think its kind of stupid (ok being harsh here again :/) that we're trying to communicate like POSTING?!?!? sure. i mean there's such a thing called sms (currently unavailable due to my stupid exceeding smses) or phone calls or msn. and i think i'm being plain dumb like trying to make my point here. but everytime i call people then i'll forget what i want to say :/ and then you dont come msn like AT ALL (ok...for my time) except for habenying and i dont feel like talking on habenying because liyi sucks.

ok damn. i promised jammytwin this would be a 心平氣和 reply....lately cant really control my damn emotions/hand which is typing almost everything my brain is processing. i should learn to have a higher EQ and be more sensitive and whatever right? since my letters everytime say i will learn to be more 乖 and stuff. actually i dont think it matters now, since whether i'm 乖 or not doesnt really change a thing.
[END OF ANGRY ALERT]

ok. paiseh for the quite angry reply.

REPLY TO THE AUTHOR OF THE POST BELOW THIS:

hello jammytwin! dont worry! even though i really dunno what happened on friday but i know that you're not sad or whatever already so its alright! and i'm not even sure what happened to me on friday now :O hurr i'm kind of crazy?

sorry for kind of ignoring your 勸架 thing...really sorry! dont worry you'll be the best negotiator. i promise to talk very 心平氣和-ly :D because of joanna's songs! hehehe

我們真的是三個emo的小孩

im here to 勸架. i mean its alright to relieve your emo streaks here:) its good. cos at least by doing that we can really know what you are thinking and really be by your side when you need help. actually i really thank you two for being there that day. cos i think if i was left alone i will really cry. cos that is the situation that im always talking about and how scared i will be. so really, 謝謝你們, 謝謝你們陪著我 even if you dont even know what is going on but thanks for being there:)

anyway, jane 不要生氣了! haha.

and i realised becca always comes to read himitsupimi! haha:) she's our 忠時讀者:) and i think no one else really comes here to read. oh wells:) its ok:) its ours anyway. we read can le. of course more people read also good lar:)

~

向来不擅长于表达自己，
初次见面觉得我冷酷，
有那种接不进的感觉
散发出一股凶气
随时爆发

blehblehbleh
reply post to jane's
im sorry i made you angry
like first time you actually angry at me:(
i mean i know that you're not actually pissed with me,
that you're still talking to me
but still...

i don't want people to worry about me
i'd pretty much prefer to worry about others
to fuss around other people

i'm not good at expressing myself,
some things i say don't make sense to others
even to me it seems nonsensical
perhaps i think things through too carefully
and everything seems to be in order
but the words that spill are a jumble mess of what used to be orderly

and snapping at people seems like my past time
i have zero tolerance level
maybe to myself too
that's why i lose control sometimes
and just feel like crying

keeping things to myself, that's what i've always been doing
the expectations that seem to be non-existent
creates an imaginary gust of wind, that blows me of my feet
the feeling of insecurity and instability
the pressure drives me up the wall

i'm that insignificant,
people think i have everything
perhaps i do, i'm full in my family life,
i have wonderful friends, i have wonderful things,
all these brighten my life
but there's a patch of darkness
a shadow of myself
i should probably wallow up in that darkness
and see the world in brightness

i take things for granted
i should be damned
my life is a little dented
happenings in my life are too concentrated

i'm barely a sixteen year old
oh sweet sweet sixteen
but that's just so so insignificant

it seems like everything i pop by,
it always seem like goodbye.

all i can do is sigh,
and maybe sit back down and cry.
it's too exaggerated to say that i'm going to die,
but the words roll out as easily as we spell pie.

all we can do is try and try,
overdose of sugar to get high.
worrying and thinking during those sleepless nights,
we really have to put up a fight,
to take the plunge and come out in flight,
to fly towards the light.
but looking at my pathetic plight,
i dunno how long i can last,
but i will fight, that's a must.

i'm feeliing poetic today-.-


that was totally lame..
i wanted to go emo, that seems like the trend nowadays
my lj is dead, and i havent been here in ages
i guess, not my topmost priority to vent my frustrations in cyberspace.
i'm not too good with words as i always say,
to say the wrong thing, there'd be a price to pay.
i dunno what's going through my mind lately...
my life is stagnant, so pale
the control is slipping past my fingers, like air, not within my grasps
all i can do is take it in, and blow it out the next.

since everything is mostly in chinese, to keep it bilingual,
i will be the english-contributor
seeing everyone so tired lately, i really want to be able to
motivate everyone else, to do the best i can.
but i do not know if i can motivate even myself.
i'm not the smartest person, neither am i anywhere near that word S-M-A-R-T

someone out there is always telling me not to think too much,
you know who you are,
that you will be the one to handle everything else, to bear the brunt of everything
but no one is able to hold out on their own
one must learn that no matter what happens, someone will be there to share that burden
i want to be that person if you'll let me
seeing one emo, i dunno what to say,
the mind processes things in varied ways, but my mind
seems to be able to take only one pathway: turn behind
but i'm pushing myself, to not take that option
but my muscles are tearing, i've got to stop the swearing

time is not an entitlement
it is a privelege.
we can always ask for more time,
but it doesn't mean we'll get it.
24 hours a day may not be enough,
but 24 hours for a third world child seems like eternity

i shan't complain anymore,
hit me if i do
whack me if i do
slap me out of my trance
and pump me with the strength
to start off again
bye.

嗯...不要改變吧...
就是....好多事情改變........也不知道何時我這麼在乎有些人的一些.....不知道啦

為什麼我會喜歡上盧廣仲的歌,是因為那是我在心情有點低谷的時候,聽到他的聲音,那把毫無壓力,非常清澈(不是字面上的),而且他那種淳樸的歌曲,就然我感動了.感動其實不需要什麼,對這個吵雜的世界裡(其實我自己也好吵),感到那種無法言語的疲憊,對這個世界的喧鬧累了,對這個世界的忙碌累了,對這個世界運轉的模式累了,聽到那種充滿著純真淳樸的好嗓子,那種毫無顧慮世界的歌曲,那種脫離盲目地亂撞的生活的影子,完完全全就是感動到沒有什麼好說的.

雖然說我的心情最近轉得比alternating current還快,不過我覺得自己不應該因為自己煩悶而搞到更多的煩悶...一會兒就這樣,一會兒就那樣,我都拿自己沒輒.你知道嗎?如果感動到,我就會這樣地喜歡下去,所以說我是一個impulsive人...衝動啦.

jammy說他的詞有點怪,不過我是衝動的消費者...就沒有想那麼多了...至少我有一種更高尚的衝動消費方式....

真的...一把好聲音,不用什麼歌曲來裝飾的.
就像我們一樣,其實真真地做自己想要的,為什麼要故意地裝飾自己呢?

所以說我要做吃冰淇淋的人....毫不猶豫,毫不考慮,毫不遲疑,我要做什麼,我就做什麼,我想要這個,我就會到手.反倒是那些對不同的人帶著不同的面具,我就有點想問他們,你們到底辛不辛苦?

如果我無法面對真實的心情,我想我應該就不是我自己了....

嗯...所以我不要改變,我不要因為最近一直很多事情改變而改變,我也不想要更多事情改變...讓我已經夠不開心了........雖然說好像沒有什麼不開心的....就是這樣才不開心.......

我想當那個每次亂放炮的我....嗯....雖然好像會得罪很多人,不過我為什麼要看是人的眼光做東西呢?我要活出自己的生活,不管了

請大家不要生病喔!生病的快點好起來!! 好起來了就一起吃巧克力! ^^